if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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