My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're a waste of cheezeits
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
