Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
