oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
