God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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