Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize