carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
