I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
