Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
