You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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