Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
