Jerry, you need to find god
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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