oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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