So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
