Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
