We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
