Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
