I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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