i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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