please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
