I wannas sexs uuuuu
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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