do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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