you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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