I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
