I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
