Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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