i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
