Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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