I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
