New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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