i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
