he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
