It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
