You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
