ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
