I want to make a zoo with you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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