She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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