Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
...so i touched it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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