I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
