Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
