I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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