so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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