yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
