I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
