nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
