Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm having to shit out rocks
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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