I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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