I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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