i think my tv is drunk
If that was your dad, he is hot
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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