you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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