Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I could fuck to npr.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
