yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
