how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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