hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
