her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
