Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
