It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
