I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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