i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
