my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Acid is not a monday night drug
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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