Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
