i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize