Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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