a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what day is it and did you see me today?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
