the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
